been slacking around the last couple of hours and i feel really weird. not really sure why but i think its cause i was browsing subs hating on (rightfully) ppl, like homophobes and racists and im probably not going to stop doing it. yunjin from le sserafim posted something on weverse not too long ago and it kind of made me think, this is the most ive seen any of the members speak about the overtly forced hate train and it kind of resonates with me. theres this little section in the paragraph she posted that i agree with a lot, this is what she said: “people are so quick to ostracize, calling people "cringe" or weird for simply looking and liking what they do. and it is often done in a passive air of cynical humor, the cruelest way, because, like classic microaggression, if you get hurt, you become the uncool one who just doesn't know how to take a joke.” ive been spiraling recently down the social media rabbit hole again and its starting to fuck me up in a lot of ways, hate scrolling the subreddits previously mentioned and whatnot, it doesnt make me feel good. i feel like shit, and its because i keep doing this to myself, i look around my room and stuff like julienet.org and it starts becoming apparent that im beyond what i let myself be. i am a cool person, i inhabit a collection im super proud of myself and what i let myself do. i want to focus on the stuff i love, i have a life i want to manage. monday (its friday as of writing this), im going to sit down and watch futurama again, like, all of it. not in one sitting of course, but i am so tired of sitting my ass down and doing nothing, i have initiatives to take and im going to take them and nothing is going to stop me from doing so. ive realized as of late nobody really cares, not as much as i feel they do in my head, and that i should just start doing the shit i want and how i want to. free will is better than what were given as a society. i dont wanna drone on and on about this cause this has got to be my 4th or 5th thingy about it but eh, i dont care. i need to be a better person. i deserve to be happy, but idk when thatll happen. i was talking to a friend yesterday hanging out, i wont get into detail about the discussion but… eh fuck it. back to what yunjin from le sserafim said, i get it. i was going to say if you say anything about others w judgement w/o knowing ur not any better but again, i do the same without much realization. im not any better than the people i judge. i love the shit i do for a reason, i love being the way i am for a reason, but negativity is a bite in the ass. its okay to be sad / angry / negative a lot but when is too much too much? im still trying to find the answer to this, but thats the part of living, that. im still learning to love myself, and i hope i succeed on that journey. im done ranting for right now, but what yunjin said to me resonated a lot, god bless the girl, all 5 of them are really the best.
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