i wish life was more tangible... everything feels so pointless right now. school, socializing, my apartment, eating, gaming, being creative, it all feels pretty pointless to me and i dont really know why. i count it up to seasonal depression but it feels much deeper than that, it feels, real almost. whatever im feeling is real. it sounds so dramatic but its like the best way i can describe it right now, its all real, the emotions and what im anxious and worried about. i guess ive been spiraling the last month and its getting pretty bad. theres not much to do about it either, just keep living like this. i know a lot of my problems can be fixed by myself but it feels like no matter how hard i try it also seems to fail, im just, tired i guess. i wish one day these pains and mental anguish will just disappear on their own, but alas. i wish i had the power to fix whats going on, but the energy and how long it takes just makes me more depressed. i want it to be keep rocking until the end but it feels more like everything is lies and theres no point. something like that.
i guess im done rambling because im not sure what else i can say and if i think longer about this topic ill just feel worse than i already am - it feels like im yelling into a tunnel and theres no echoes.
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